Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
