I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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