census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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