I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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