That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
