It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
