Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
