My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
