just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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