Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
