I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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