I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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