She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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