Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
