Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
