Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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