Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
time to smoke my breakfast
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
