Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
