Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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