accomplished twins. life is a go
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
