You made me cry and you don't even care
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
