the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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