Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
