So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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