Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just found puke in my bra..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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