so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
