Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
