Just took my morning after pill in the library
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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