She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
