who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
