I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
