Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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