so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
