On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
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Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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