Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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