Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
