If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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