So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
