I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
