I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
