fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
