I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
