So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
