i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
