my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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