Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
