words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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