He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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