Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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