Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
