I think scott just propositioned me for sex
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Two words: blizzard sex
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
