he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
