You smell like stripper and shame
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
