I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
