he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
