I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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