Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
