Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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