yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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