This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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