sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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