Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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