We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
