Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
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