You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
