So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
