Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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