Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
