The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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