but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
