If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
