Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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