cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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