I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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